When I was 5 years old I was so IN LOVE with Donny Osmond, I had it bad, and was certain we would surely Marry someday. I waited faithfully for Tiger Beat to come in the mail once a month. I had all his posters up. One day I saw a picture of my beloved and his armpit was showing, he had hair in it. OMG Ew. I was 5, there was no place for hair in armpits yet. I got over that crush in a split second.
I love DMB, it’s no secrete. For my 50th I decided to take a photography inspired trip and stop in at The Gorge Amphitheater to hear The Dave Matthews Band in the best sound concert venue in the world. I fell in love with Dave Matthews Band when I heard the melody of Satellite, I was carrying the twins, we were in peril, we were dying, I was terrified most days and that song swept over me and lifted me, there was some hope in it for me. I bought the CD and so began my love affair with their music and lyrics. One of our twins did die and the other had catastrophic issues that required surgery moments after her birth, it took me months to regain my strength. All through that time, The DMB music seemed to be the only music that worked on me, helped hold a light for me and helped heal me. To say I am a serious fan is an understatement. I listen thoughtfully and intently to each new song, four or five times to see which ones I am going to fall in love with and I don’t know how it happens, but I never tire of the layers upon layers, the simplicity, the complexity of the music, melodies and lyrics. I practice Yoga everyday and I always listen while I practice to the slow DMB beats and especially to the Snow Outside and Sweet and Oh and One Sweet World and I just bawl. I can let it all go in the gym, close to my HP with the sweet melodies from the DMB, that remind me it’s OK that I am human, that I will die, to grieve, to wonder, to know that at times I am fucked up, to be in love, to fall out of love, to struggle, to lust, to sin… He has written the soundtrack to my life, to our lives.
Jane (our surviving twin, now 18) came with me to see them at The Greek Amphitheater last Summer and at the Concert someone asked her if she knew the DMB well and she said, we listened to it everytime we were in the car, my whole life. A Summer almost 15 years back I took Ryon (our oldest) to our first DMB concert in SF and I thought I loved their music until I saw them live. DMB live is a completely different animal and so much better, bigger, badder in so many ways! I see them every Summer at least once. But this last year, I went to go immerse myself in the soundtrack of our lives, taking a bucket list trip for myself, my 50th birthday gift to myself. A 13 hour drive to listen to the all the music I raised my family with. My children are all moved on now, except one and I could finally go and just listen. My husband whom I have been with for 27 years came with me. He likes the DMB, but the music never quit penetrated for him into a spiritual experience like it has for me and I had no expectation it ever would. DMB had written every love song that has mattered to my heart, they wrote about my marriage, our struggle, our love, my disappointment, my longing, my grief, my sense of being lost. When a DMB song would come on and I would say “Honey, this is our song.”. He’d just nod, with uh ha. I knew it didn’t penetrate. That’s OK we’re all on our own time, I’d think.
The first night we spent in the pit, 50 ft. from the stage, it was work and it was worth it. That night my husband had a spiritual experience. He’s been listening to The DMB for 19 years with me and he was leaning over asking about the lyrics. Then I knew, he had never really heard it, see part of the IT really is the music and the magic that happens to the band as they perform, but the other huge part is the lyrics. Their words really matter! It was like he was finally understanding some code that had been in his face and in front of him all along. I saw IT happen to him. He opened.
The Gorge Amphitheater was filled to capacity with 20,000 people, when there, the energy is overwhelming, It’s literally a chorus, in perfect unison, all singing along, all dancing. There is no way to categorize the people there. Pretty much every walk of life was present, with one common denominator, The DMB. Some people dressed up in costume, old people just dancing it out hard, two year olds rocking it and totally safe. I don’t dance in public, unless drunk and that hasn’t happened for close to 28 years. On the second night we are standing on the Terrace, half way up, halfway up from the stage. It’s a steep grade looking down into the pit where they play. The sound is crystal clear and lands directly upon us at that level where we were standing. The View was breathtaking, the people were safe and cool. I was sinking into being completely present. Then I had my moment, I heard people talk about it, this song came on, Recently, and a warm breeze came up and before I knew it I was dancing while the wind whipped my hair and held me and I didn’t think about it nor was I self conciuose about it, it happened and my spirit levitated to a moment of freedom and bliss, non drug induced. Whenever I hear Recently, I feel that feeling of freedom and bliss and I am transported.
When we got into the truck to make our way back home, Ian put on The DMB and asked me to read the lyrics. I never expected he’d fall in love like I had, but he did. I am still pinching myself. We dance in the kitchen together to it often, while he whispers, “Hey this is our song.”. We are also planning our next DMB trip.